Moving

Changing Rooms

If for any reason your relative is moved into another room, all their belongings, including pictures and ornaments, will be taken into the new room by staff. You may find the handyman, whom they might not have seen before, is helping. Tell them not to be alarmed, the staff will not change, only the room.

Changing Homes

Unfortunately, sometimes residents have to go into hospital for a few days. All the staff will be different, with different uniforms, different names and so on. However, once they are well again they will most likely be transferred back to the care home they are used to.

If your relative has been transferred to hospital for a serious illness or surgery, they will need nursing care and may not be able to return to the residential care home where they may have been for a long time. In a case like this your relative would be placed in a nursing home. Staff, uniforms, routines and many other things would be different.

It is not unusual, after traumatic changes like this, for elderly people to become confused, tearful and possibly depressed for a time. They will gradually feel better as they make new friends. However, this may take time because an elderly person often takes longer to recover from a serious illness or surgery. Your relative may become demanding, sorry for themselves (with good reason) and will need much understanding, comforting and tender loving care.

Understanding Your Relative’s Stress

Try to remember their stress may cause fluctuating mood changes. One day they may be feeling happy, they like the idea of going into a nursing home; all their thoughts are positive. The next day they may be down in the dumps. They hate the thought of going into a nursing home, they would rather die!

To help to relieve your relative’s stress before admission you can:

• Talk to your relative in a positive way.
• Emphasise the disadvantages of them staying in their own home.
• Take them, if possible, to see the home.
• Point out all the advantages of living in such a place.
• When the matron comes to assess their prospective resident, encourage your relative to ask questions.
• Discuss every step and every aspect with them.
• Keep them informed.
• Encourage them to help in the preparation for their move to their new home.
• If possible arrange a trial period before making a permanent commitment.
• Tell your relative that some of their treasures are already in their new home ready for them.

Beating Your Own Stress

If you are the person who made all the arrangements for your relative to be admitted into the home, you will most likely suffer from more stress than the rest of the family. You might worry that things will go wrong or your relative will be unhappy; they will not like the staff or the staff won’t like them. All the things that could go wrong, and probably won’t, churn around in your mind chasing positive thoughts away. This is worse if your relative grumbles about their changed circumstances, blaming you for putting them in this ‘dreadful situation’! At this stage they will forget they couldn’t take themselves to the bathroom or that they need help with all the activities of daily living. They won’t admit that in the times when they are alone, particularly in the night hours, they sometimes feel lonely and afraid.

It is useless to tell you not to take any notice or to forget the hurt because it won’t work. However, take time off to:

• Relax, you might like to join a relaxation class.
• Try a keep fit or dancing class. Exercise boosts the morale.
• Read, watch television, cat-nap or anything else you fancy for an hour.
• Try prayer: many people find comfort and peace in it.
• Chat with a minister of religion. It may help put things into perspective.
• Talk over the problems with somebody else. Perhaps a friend has gone through the same experience and can offer helpful advice.
• Discuss everything, good and bad, with other family members – let them shoulder some of the responsibility.
• Try to draw up a visiting rota between family and friends to give you more time and relieve some of your stress and anxiety.